4.16.2014

They Aren't Bad People, They Just Aren't The Right People

Way back in October, I wrote a post about learning to let go. It was a post about situations, habits, and (primarily) a person in my life whom I loved dearly, but could no longer identify with. After writing that post, things began to drastically change in my life. The relationships I made a priority began to flourish. The relationships I let go of began to work themselves out. I felt balanced... And even free in a sense. I felt lighter. For awhile, anyway.

This past week in church, I realized I no longer feel that way. I don't feel free. I don't feel balanced. In fact, lately, I feel as if I've been struggling the hardest with letting things - of any kind -  go... And because of that, it's become quite the pretentious challenge to move forward in any way at all.

So, I prayed about it.

See, while I'm the girl who wrote that post about letting go of certain individuals, I'm also the girl who wrote that post about loving unconditionally. While I'm the girl who wants to understand that letting go is part of moving forward, I'm also the girl who just can't stand to let people walk away. Personally, I think that's because even when relationships don't work out, even when friendships fade, I truly want to be someone that other people value their time with. I want them to speak kindly of me. I want them to be able to say, "she made me a better person; the time I spent with her was worth it."

Don't we all, though?

At the end of the day, the fact of the matter is that no matter what we want, there are situations, people, and reactions out of our control. There are people that we need to let go of in order to move forward.

Now, I don't believe in labeling people "toxic" because these so-called "toxic" people are rarely vengeful or inhumane. In fact, some of the most "toxic" people in our lives are the ones who love us the most. Many of them, contrary to popular belief, have good intentions. Most of these people are only considered "toxic" because their needs and way of existing in the world cause us to compromise ourselves, our values, and our happiness. They aren't imminently bad people, they just aren't the right people. We aren't for them and they aren't for us. As challenging as it is, we have to let them go. Life is hard enough without surrounding yourself with people who don't make you a better you. As much as you care, it is never worth eradicating yourself for the sake of someone else.

That might mean that you have to love a family member from a distance. It might mean that you have to break up with the person you love and respect the most. It might even mean that you need to avoid a painful situation until you're in the right state of mind to handle it properly. Whatever that might mean for us, we need to make sure to remember that our well-being is a priority and no one is going to make it that way unless we do ourselves.

When I realized this and actually started to believe it, I felt lighter again. I felt free, balanced, and a lot more like myself. The me that I want to be, anyway.



I want to lay down at night and have my head hit the pillow knowing that the people in my life are making the me I am today a better me tomorrow. I want to close my eyes and rest in the assurance that my well-being is a priority. That I am valued. That I am worthy. I want to wake up in the morning and be the spunky Kenz, the confident Kenz, the carefree Kenz, and the Kenz that knows she is surrounded and supported by people who cherish her for everything that she is - imperfections and all.

In fact, today, I not only want that. I refuse to accept anything less than that.


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10 comments:

The Pink Growl said...

This is soooooo true girl! And you have no idea how much I needed to hear this right now! Proud of you for taking inventory on your surroundings and knowing what you DESERVE! XOXO

Amanda aka Manda said...

I absolutely love this post! This is something I struggle with as well. I'm so proud of you for realizing not only what you want, but what you deserve! You always inspire me to do better, to do more, to be more! Thank you! xoxo

Ashley Z. said...

I love this! It reminds of a poem that talks about people being in your life for a reason, a season and a lifetime.

Kelli @ A Deeper Joy said...

What a GREAT post!!! This is something that I constantly struggle with! I've been wrestling in my mind with a certain friendship that I can't decide if I need to let go or not. This is giving me some good stuff to pray about!! Thanks!

Heather said...

This post was such a breath of fresh air for me. I think I've gotten a lot better about recognizing that while I love someone, being around them might not be best for me. That doesn't make them less of a good person in their own way, just not good for me.

Leah D said...

Great post! Hope you are doing well!

Hallie Oceanside said...

This is so so so so true, and I've been first had person of this. I've become people I associate myself with and sometimes not always being the best choice, but like you said if you surround yourself with only the best, that is the best person you will be!


love you sweet girl, hope all is well!

Samantha Curtis said...

Beautiful post and boy did I need to read this. Just heart you to pieces. Keep being the amazing person you are! Xo

Jamie Vespa said...

So true and so beautifully put. Some people are bad for us, but that doesn't make them bad people. And usually, even those who are bad for us are also good for us because they teach us things that we wouldn't have learned otherwise. <3

Kelly said...

This is such a great post - very well said!

xx Kelly
Sparkles and Shoes