Wednesday was a really overwhelming day for me. All I wanted was for it to be over. I was on the verge of tears for the entirety of the day. I had a big doctor appointment that evening and I was anticipating a very real treatment change...I knew it was coming. I felt it. I'd been told. But, I did everything in my power to avoid accepting it.
As of yesterday, I have officially begun yet another 4-week round of physical therapy. It's been about a year since my last round. The only real "differences" this year are as follows:
1.) I nanny 3 mornings/evenings a week.
2.) I'm taking 2 college classes on top of my high school courses.
3.) My neck condition has progressed.
In other words? I don't have time before/after school. I cannot afford to skip class. Progression = more complex treatment plan.
I know that being a juvenile arthritis patient often means that I have to work 10 times as hard as every "normal" teen my age. I get that. I've accepted that. I know what I need to do.
Yesterday was my first appointment. It was for me to walk into that office again, but I realize now that struggles and pain are always going to try to interfere with the joy already surrounding us... It's only a matter of perspective and what we choose to focus on.
This is me for the next 3-5 days. How I shower, sleep, etc. This tape helps with pain relief and also serves as a posture aid.
I got so many questions today... "What HAPPENED to you?!" I don't think I fully explained once. Somedays, it's just not worth it. I just giggled a lot at the appalling looks I was receiving and breathed deep... :) But here's to the next 8 appointments. It's going to be tough to stay motivated, but I know it's worth it. And I'm going to do it.
Aside from my faith, the one thing keeping me going right now is the support I've been receiving from my online friends. All craziness aside, Wednesday was also an incredibly joyful day for me. I shared my Speed the Light launch post and you, friends from all over the world, stepped up and supported me in any and every way possible. You still are!
I've already raised $105 towards my Speed the Light goal and I know that growth is going to continue because God has called me to do something. Not only that...but the people He's blessed me with continue to be the people that they are called to be. I am so beyond grateful for the friends I've never "met," but know so well.
I believe that through this time of growth and change, God is teaching me to fully and wholeheartedly rely on Him. He's teaching me to give of myself even when it's hard and of course, He's teaching me all about perspective and perception.
Despite the struggles that seemingly "change" throughout life - my God never does. He still in charge and I'm still learning from Him daily. :)