I can't believe that today is here. The day I've been waiting on for three long, emotional, and painful months. Today's the day I FINISH spinal therapy.
Remember when I wrote about how I don't understand WHY God would allow me to have this condition? Remember when I came right out and said I am not fine? Remember all those Instagram posts asking for prayers because I literally could not make it through the day without them? The girl behind this blog remembers each and every one of those long days/nights all too well.
I remember leaving each therapy appointment, turning on worship music in my car, and literally crying out to God asking Him to help me to just get through the day I had to face. I remember crying myself to sleep so many nights because of the helpless pain I was in...and I remember crawling out of bed each morning afterwards and being in that same pain. Just praying that God would give me the strength to make it to the shower so I could lay in the hot water and alleviate any of the swelling in my joints. I remember being on the verge of a mental breakdown for DAYS and finally having one in the bathroom at school followed by a heart to heart with the teacher I least expected to "get" me.
I could go on and on about the pain I remember from this journey, and while I don't necessarily want to remember it - I don't want to forget it either. I don't want to forget what God turned that pain into.
Today, I get to wake up, roll out of bed, go to my FINAL therapy appointment, and spend the rest of the day (and freakin' week if I want to) being PROUD of the progress I have made in treatment and my life as a whole...the past three months have changed me tremendously.
This past Sunday, I kicked some serious assets at the gym. I ran TWO miles. Not walking. Not a half mile. Not one. I RAN TWO MILES. Last night, I did the same.
I wasn't able to say that three months ago. If you'd mentioned running to me then, I would have started crying and told you, "I can't." Because I wasn't physically capable. The pain that I was in and the little mobility I had didn't allow me to.
It took WEEKS...I'd even say the entire first half of therapy - to see any improvement or change. But today, I can see with my own eyes and FEEL that I am stronger than I have ever been since starting this health journey four years ago. Today, I can finally say I DID IT! I can say that I'm beating the odds because I am. I am winning this fight and I am getting stronger each and everyday.
Therapy is now officially *over* which isn't really important to me... (because I still plan to work hard to maintain my strength and mobility...) But it's a HUGE milestone in my journey...I've finally gotten to a point where I can look back and say, "hey, look how far I've come!" I finally feel like there is something to be proud about...progress to be shared.
I've received so much love and support from the people around me...what continues to surprise me is that people who live hundreds/thousands of miles away have showed me that SAME love. It blows my mind to know that prayers are coming my way from people I haven't even truly met.
I received an e-mail from an amazing woman the first week I started therapy. The e-mail made me sob because it was exactly what I needed to hear. Only God could have arranged the perfect timing that it was. She told me that she often shows my Instagram picture to her little boy, tells Him I'm not feeling well, and that he, her precious little 4-year-old, prays for me often.
One thing I know for sure is this: His grace is more than sufficient for my struggles and the pain I endure is only worth it if my attitude and the way I choose to live my life can bring glory to His name and people to His Kingdom. This fight is NOT about me. I want that to be known above all.
Last night as I was driving home, I was looking back on my journey. Reflecting and being thankful. Then, the song Help Me Find It by Sidewalk Prophets came on the radio. These words hit me hard...
"I’m giving You fear and You give faith
I giving you doubt
You give me grace
For every step I’ve never been alone
Even when it hurts, You’ll have Your way
Even in the valley I will say
With every breath
You’ve never let me go..."
That's the premise of this post, really God will continue to work within me and through me even when 1) I don't want to try and 2) I'm scared and hurting. That promise
kinda rocks my world. Period.
I ended one of my posts three months ago (before I started this journey) with a quote that's carried me through night after night and I think it's only appropriate that I end a much more triumphant post in the same way... :)