10.28.2016

Better Days

*** Written last night -- October 27th, 2016 -- the night before today -- tummy surgery round 2.

Ah, yes. Here we are again. On the eve of yet another surgery/potential diagnosis that I had to fight like crazy for several MD's to even consider. 

Here. I'm here indeed. I made it to today. As you're reading this, I'm probably showering the last time for a solid week-ish. More likely, I'm probably making last minute hospital packing changes and my blood sugar is no doubt dropping lower than low because I haven't eaten anything since midnight!

I'm headed back to the operating room today for what I like to call another "abdominal revision." We have pretty clear evidence that points to a rather severe endometriosis diagnosis and after a solid year and a half, I'm finally under the care of a physician who cares enough about my pain to do something about it.

Around 12:45pm this afternoon, I'll be wheeled back for a little nap and hopefully wake up with some answers and controlled pain. Not sure about that last one -- HA! -- but a girl can hope. ;) Let's just say my stomach has seen better days.

[pictured: top left...morning of subtotal colectomy, top right...8 days following my subtotal colectomy, bottom left...14 days following my subtotal colectomy, bottom right...last night & approximately 6 months post-op]

All week I've been a little wound up about the fact that my doctor has decided to reuse my incision sites from April's subtotal colectomy (if possible). Though she thinks it will actually be a less painful recovery, I have my doubts. Cutting through freshly healed tissue and (as my dear friend Ben would say) "putting a flamethrower in my uterus" sounds like a recipe for some major, gut-wrenching (pun intended!) pain.

The concept of cutting into these incisions again is just a little hard to wrap my mind around...and looking at these past pictures of my bloated, distended tummy following surgery scares the $%^# out of me. I think the most frightening thing I've learned about pain is that all you can do is endure it.

If you're cold, you wrap yourself up in a blanket. If you're hot, you turn on a fan. If your stomach has been cut into in four different places and your body decides "HEY! THAT HURTS!" all you can really do is take the scheduled pain meds and pray to God they'll make you drowsy enough to sleep through some of the hurt.

But, as we must...forward is the only productive direction. Forward holds the potential of relief from endometriosis and forward holds the promise that I'm going to make it through this operation the same way I have made it through the last five. One moment at a time.

2 comments:

Rachel said...

Prayers! You are going to come out stronger than ever!

Jen said...

You are so strong and so amazing! Sending lots of love your way!