6.05.2014

I'm More Than Okay With It

"I want to move to Africa one day!"

They roll their eyes.

"I want to adopt at least 3 children!"

They laugh.

They don't laugh because they're unsupportive, because they wish to mock me, or because they don't believe in me. They laugh because I'm Kenzie... And Kenzie gets a little crazy sometimes. But you know, I'm okay with that... Clearly.


The hardest thing for me to explain to people is what I want out of life. Before graduation, my classmates and I had to fill out a piece of paper that asked where we we pictured ourselves in 10 years. I wrote... "Happy. In love. In Africa... With a pile of kids!".

Apparently, that's crazy. But why?

What my family (and most all the people who surround me) do not understand is that if I never have a beautiful, elaborate home, an expensive car, the typical all-American family, or what the world sees as a "real job," one day... I will be okay with it. If I don't spend 4 years at my dream school experiencing the total college life, I will be okay with it. If I am dirty, hungry, exhausted, and sharing God's love with children who might not otherwise know it, I will be okay with it.

As long as I am chasing His call with reckless abandon, I promise you with every inch of my being that I will be MORE than okay with it.

How? The Bible tells us to do two very important things: love God and love others the way we want to be loved. I don't know about you, but I don't want to be starving or lonely or homeless or parent-less or naked. I don't want to drink dirty water, sleep on the floor each night, be denied an education, or sell my body to pay the bills.

And THAT is why I am okay with giving up my dreams in order for God to make His dreams my own. That is why I'm okay with God's call. With surrendering. With investing into His kingdom, both literally and figuratively. With giving up everything I am to be everything He wants me to be.

Yes, maybe this looks crazy from the outside. Maybe I'm not like everyone else. In fact, I KNOW I am not.

I'm not Amy who has been called to serve in Missouri.
I'm not Elissa who currently lives in Russia with her family.
I'm not Misty who set aside three months to spend time working in a church in Alaska.
I'm not Tiana who is volunteering in a Guatemalan orphanage for two months.

If I know I am not like everyone else, then why is it so hard, for Heaven's sake, to simply understand that God wants me - all of me - in Africa? Why is that such a foreign idea? Why is it shunned? Why is doing God's work not "as good" as doing man's? Why does this world have it all backward?

Truthfully, I don't know and I don't think we'll ever find out on this side of Heaven. But I do know that God has a history of using the ones who said "yes." The one's who appeared to crazy. When Mary was asked to mother the son of God, I have a hard time believing she was fearless. When Jesus told Peter to walk out onto the water, I don't believe he took a running start. The thing that set those two (and so many others) a part was the mere fact that they said "YES." They were people just like you and I, but because they were willing to follow Christ no matter the cost, He used them in ways they never would have known had they let the fear of what other people thought control them.

You see, God's call isn't complicated. It's clear... And YES, sometimes it's daunting. But it's never confusing. When we pray and ask, He shows and tells. His call is simple, we just make following that call complicated. We try to justify and simplify when God has already given us the means to do abundantly more than we could ever ask or imagine. I've been guilty of it for a long, long time - but today, I want to be forgiven of that and I don't want to forget the freedom that comes along with saying, "Yes, Lord. YOUR way," ever again.

Maybe I'll be right here in 10 years. Maybe I'll be in a different state. I might even be happy. In love. In Africa... With a pile of kids! Whatever God has for my future, I want that. And I have never felt a call stronger than the one leading me to Africa.

So, I'm okay with it, God. I'm officially okay with you shattering this life to pieces and putting it back together so much more beautifully. I'm more than okay with it.


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11 comments:

Shaunacey Bonneville said...

you never know, you may just end up there one day!!! Doesn't sound crazy to met at all, might not be my cup of tea, but doesn't mean it's not where you're meant to end up!

Kenji said...

We have to trust that God has our best interest. He has already written our life story but we must let go and allow him to show us exactly what he has planned. I love this post. This is so much harder to do than said. You are an inspiration.

Gina Alyse said...

I love how you write with such faith and every word clearly points to Him. This is beautiful, Kenzie!

I'm sure God has bright and beautiful plans for you to be in Africa. I loved what you said that his call is never confusing. I think a lot of us think that way, me included. We just need to have faith that He will show it to us one day and that we're already on the path there.

When you said that this idea is crazy sometimes, it reminded me of something a pastor said during one of my college Bible studies last summer. He said that some people think we need to send therapists or psychiatrists to help missionaries serving under dangerous or harsh conditions, because to serve is simply a crazy idea. But without the crazy, those missionaries would come home. Without the crazy, we miss out on love. So I think we're heading in the right direction if our ideas and desires are a little bit crazy. As long as they align with the Lord's thoughts and plans. (I hope I explained that all right!)

Anyways, thanks for sharing! I loved reading your thoughts. Have an amazing week!!

xo, gina

Alison @ Get Your Pretty On said...

You are inspiring! I love that you aren't afraid to serve where you are called. It's a rare and amazing gift you have there!

Amy said...

Love Love Love Love Love.

Kayla MKOY said...

I absolutely love that you profess your faithfulness in our awesome God so bluntly! You deserve all the happiness in the world and I pray you get to chase all your wildest dreams. I think its so bold and amazing of you to dream so big :) go you, Kenz!

Jamie Vespa said...

The beautiful thing about life is that where you end up may be completely different than what you want in this moment and it's perfect because it's where you're supposed to be. Where I thought my life would lead 10 and even 5 years ago is so different from where I actually am right now and I am so happy that it is. I'm exactly where I'm meant to be and wherever you go, that's where you're meant to be :)

xxooMrsV said...

A thousand times YES!!! This is so good Kenz! I love your heart for The Lord and His children! Blessings to you for obeying the call!

Amanda aka Manda said...

Such a beautiful post! You're right, we must say Yes to His call! He can do amazing things through us if we just say yes! I hope you make it to Africa one day...and for more than just a mission trip.

Allison @ Texas Mrs. said...

Bless your sweet soul my friend!!! I wish I had the same courage as you - like accepting God's plan and dreams for YOU. You are so inspirational!!!!

Lisa @ Two Martinis said...

Good for you! And I agree, God's Will and His calls to us are not vague, if we listen they're very straight forward and we are called to obey!