I'm Glad It Hurts

Lately, I feel like life has been painful. I've been fearful. My arthritis flares. My injection to control those flares stings. People change. People lie. People walk away. I fail. I sin. I have a bad attitude. I pretend not to care. But, I do. Oh, I care so much.

All the while, I sit there and say, "This sucks. I'm scared. Life hurts." I'm ungrateful and ask God to make things better. To fix it. To magically make me happy again. I forget that times heals everything... And that time takes time. I forget to search for the purpose despite the pain and fear.

So, my injection hurts. But, it helps alleviate the pain for another week.
So, my boyfriend broke up with me. But, he got me through some of the tough things I had to face the past 5 months.
So, I sinned and messed up my relationship with God. But, I learned, and His mercies are new every morning.
So, I don't know what tomorrow holds. But, I know who holds tomorrow.

Notice how every. single. one. of those "pains" serves a purpose.

Similarly, for as long as I can remember I've been telling myself, "Don't be afraid." Yesterday, I realized how silly that is. "Don't be afraid" is just like saying "don't move out of the way when a car is coming" or "don't blink" or "don't be human." Realistically, I'm afraid. You're afraid. We're all afraid and we're always going to be because that's the point. When we are afraid, we run to Him. When we run to Him, our faith is strengthened.

While I was praying last night, I realized my mindset is so, so wrong when it comes to pain and fear. Yes, life can hurt, it can be scary, but it doesn't suck. Here's why...

Pain is proof that you went for something. Proof that you let go of all your insecurities, fears, doubts... What have you... And made a freakin' beeline directly towards something you wanted at one point in time. It's proof that you've that you've loved, learned, and progressed. It's proof that you've lived. The fear we feel is NOT a bad thing if we allow it to motivate us rather than consume us. Be afraid, but do it anyway. Fight anyway.

I don't know about you, but I would take the pain of experience knowing that I LIVED over lingering upon the dreaded "what if...?" question any day. God doesn't allow pain without purpose. I'm living, and with every hurt, I'm drawing closer to Him. Because of that, as crazy as it sounds, I'm GLAD it hurts.

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Kimberly Bonham said...

Beautiful post. I am grateful for trials, struggles, hurt, sorrow, pain, etc. because it makes me stronger and I know God has a purpose in everything. He is all knowing, all loving and brings us through those things to shape us, help us grow, and make us stronger. God is so good. ALL the time.

Jen said...

All of the trials and tribulations make us stronger. Hugs sweet friend!

Amanda aka Manda said...

Such a beautiful post. This hits home with me, bc I used to live in the land of what ifs. Like you said, every trial, every hurt draws us closer to Him!

Jen K said...

Big hugs! And again so much wisdom from such a young soul.

Shannon Q. said...

My comment was basically going to be what Jen K said already. You are so wise for being so young. The wisdom that you have at this stage is going to continue to bless your life as you move forward. Sending love to you!

Pamela said...

Oh, girl. I needed this so much!

Lauren said...

I needed your post so much! Sometimes when I'm going through a hard time I forget to look for the blessings the situation provides. You inspire me to be better!

My friend Spencer is starting to blog for his church website about living with the after-affects of a brain tumor, and he wrote a post similar to yours describing how turning to Christ helped to maintain hope. I'm sure he would love to hear your insights! http://goo.gl/6C8ez1

Jamie Vespa said...

Inspiring post as always! I'm sorry for all the hard times you're going through, but good for you for understanding that it all happens for a reason and everything teaches you something.

Kayla MKOY said...

Every pain serves a purpose! I once heard a quote that said "every heartache goes through His hands first"...and from those things we learn his purpose! :) love your positive attitude!!

Jennifer said...

this is so true. I couldn't have said it any better myself.

Tayler Morrell said...

I've mentioned before that my husband has an auto-immune disease and suffers almost daily as well. I'm a stress-maniac and have an anxiety issue. But, what we, as well as our Bishop and my husband's counselor has helped us to understand is that if we share our pain and allow others to feel pain for us, worry about us, and share the yoke, then that'll help. He also reminds us that God will never give us a trial he doesn't think we can overcome. Keep at it. You are amazing and an inspiration!

Charlene Maugeri said...

This is such a great post. Paul counted his trials and suffering for joy and we should too. God has a plan for everything. Thanks for the reminder!

Amy said...

Girl, I had no idea you were going through a break up! I am so, so sorry. If you ever want to talk, like EVER, I'm here for you.

You are such an amazing gift from God to this world. Thankful for your insight, your outlook, and your friendship. LOVE YOU.

Mara said...

I loved reading this!!!!! I totally needed it because after I read this blog post I was rejected hard core and it made me think back to what you said where its okay to feel pain because it means you tried, you reached for something outside of yourself. I am so grateful that you wrote this and thank you so much for living such a positive life! God Bless!

Teresa Sabga said...


​My name is Teresa Sabga. I am a junior at Syracuse University studying magazine journalism.

This December, I found a mass the size of a cantaloupe in my lung. Knowing that my situation was uncommon, I began writing about my journey on the Internet. I didn't want pity. I simply wanted support. I used social media to express my feelings without having to burden my family and friends.

Using the Internet has long been a controversy in the medical community, but using it for support seems to be a trend amongst ill individuals in Gen-Y.

I'd like to write a feature for my magazine writing class that explores the benefits of using the Internet to cope with illnesses, using examples of multiple case studies, and gathering different viewpoints from medical professors, professionals and doctors who are both in favor and against this trend. ​

I'd love to interview you sometime next week, if possible. It should only take 30 minutes and I strongly believe that hearing your opinion would only benefit my story.

Please send any replies to tmsabga@gmail.com. Thank you for your time and patience. I look forward to hearing from you soon.

All the best,
Teresa Sabga​​​

Tara Illy said...

Praying for you sweet one!!!