Lately, I feel like life has been painful. I've been fearful. My arthritis flares. My injection to control those flares stings. People change. People lie. People walk away. I fail. I sin. I have a bad attitude. I pretend not to care. But, I do. Oh, I care so much.
All the while, I sit there and say, "This sucks. I'm scared. Life hurts." I'm ungrateful and ask God to make things better. To fix it. To magically make me happy again. I forget that times heals everything... And that time takes time. I forget to search for the purpose despite the pain and fear.
So, my injection hurts. But, it helps alleviate the pain for another week.
So, my boyfriend broke up with me. But, he got me through some of the tough things I had to face the past 5 months.
So, I sinned and messed up my relationship with God. But, I learned, and His mercies are new every morning.
So, I don't know what tomorrow holds. But, I know who holds tomorrow.
Notice how every. single. one. of those "pains" serves a purpose.
Similarly, for as long as I can remember I've been telling myself, "Don't be afraid." Yesterday, I realized how silly that is. "Don't be afraid" is just like saying "don't move out of the way when a car is coming" or "don't blink" or "don't be human." Realistically, I'm afraid. You're afraid. We're all afraid and we're always going to be because that's the point. When we are afraid, we run to Him. When we run to Him, our faith is strengthened.
While I was praying last night, I realized my mindset is so, so wrong when it comes to pain and fear. Yes, life can hurt, it can be scary, but it doesn't suck. Here's why...
Pain is proof that you went for something. Proof that you let go of all your insecurities, fears, doubts... What have you... And made a freakin' beeline directly towards something you wanted at one point in time. It's proof that you've that you've loved, learned, and progressed. It's proof that you've lived. The fear we feel is NOT a bad thing if we allow it to motivate us rather than consume us. Be afraid, but do it anyway. Fight anyway.
I don't know about you, but I would take the pain of experience knowing that I LIVED over lingering upon the dreaded "what if...?" question any day. God doesn't allow pain without purpose. I'm living, and with every hurt, I'm drawing closer to Him. Because of that, as crazy as it sounds, I'm GLAD it hurts.