This weekend, I foolishly wasted ridiculous amounts of gas driving around.
Last week was overwhelming. I had the best Monday ever, but woke up in the middle of the night to my sister by my bedside and the discovery of me having a possible seizure. I did a lot of research on a new med I was prescribed for pain, and sure enough... Seizures had been reported. I was never warned about this, so it left me feeling frustrated and terrified. We aren't sure what exactly happened, but I'm working through it.
I was a mess at school Tuesday. Exhausted. But I went anyway. I tried, I cried, and I received graciousness. Everyone I encountered that day greeted me with a hug. Even though they didn't know the situation, they cared.
I tried to smile for the rest of the week. I tried to schedule my new job orientation. I tried to look forward to my weekend off. I tried.
Plans changed, though. And my mom and I found ourselves back on the road to Children's Hospital nearly two hours away. We got a few kinks worked out and I met with my psychologist. It was another overwhelming appointment, but it was insightful and definitely beneficial.
I tried to have fun with my friends Friday and Saturday night, but I just didn't feel like myself. Instead of really partaking in things, I drove around aimlessly and turned up the radio way too loud. I tried to just be.
I thought a lot about what people probably thought of me after I had been so emotional and upset the whole week. I wondered if they'd deemed me "crabby" or "whiny." I wondered how I could talk to the best friends who wanted to help me, but didn't know how. I wondered what how close my parents were to giviing up on trying to understand me.
I wondered a lot.
After all that wondering, I cried out to Jesus and asked Him how I could move on from this past week. I told Him that more than anything, I wanted people to see HIM in my moments of weakness.
He'd been reminding me of a verse all week long, but it really resonated with me during that drive.
"...but the Lord stood by me and strengthened me." - 2 Timothy 4:17
I'm going to get back to feeling joy this week. Slowly, but pace doesn't matter as long as I get there.
Three times I begged The Lord to take it away from me. Each time He said, 'My grace is sufficient for you for my power is made perfect in weakness.' -2 Corinthians 12:8-9