I was talking to one of my new friends last night. A *boy* friend, that is. Take that however you want to... Ha!
We got on the subject of dating somehow and he ended up asking me,
"Have you had a lot of boyfriends?"
I'll be completely honest, I busted out laughing. My response was ,
"Do I LOOK like I've had a lot of boyfriends?"
My thoughts after that?
"Dude, you don't know how complicated I am. No boy would put up with this crazyness voluntarily."
I asked him why he thought that, but he wouldn't tell me. Imagine that. Oh, boys, boys, boys.
When I laid down to sleep, I kept thinking about it.
What did that really mean?
Am I supposed to have a history of boyfriends?
So, naturally, I began to pray about it. I asked God what that meant and why I was feeling so distracted about a seemingly simple question. He put this verse in my heart:
Proverbs 4:23~ "Above all else, guard your heart, for it determines the course of your life."
I cannot even begin to describe the peace I felt after God put that on my heart. It's really quite amazing, actually, that He would give me that peace instantly.
It made me feel like I'm doing something right. Without a doubt.
Even though that clarity alone would have been enough to put my overthinking to rest, God gave me MORE. Something BIGGER, something BETTER. Another verse that spoke straight to my heart...
1 Corinthians 7:23~ "You were bought at a price, so do not become enslaved by the world."
That's all too fitting considering how trapped I feel by the world sometimes and what everyone else is doing. This was a good reality check to me... Straight from the One who knows me better than I know myself. It made me really ask myself,
"Why haven't I had a boyfriend?"
My answer to that question wasn't a notorious teenage girl answer, either. (i.e. I'm not pretty enough, I'm not worth it, no one will love me because of my arthritis...)
Instead, I realized that I haven't had a boyfriend because of these two reasons:
1.) I have a list and no one "fits" that yet. I have a list of things I want in a future husband. A list that defines who I want to be the father of my children one day. It's lengthy, it's specific, and God has PROMISED to give me just what my heart longs for in that aspect of life just as He does in every other.
Psalm 37:4~ "Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart."
2.) I'm not going to settle for anything less. God has created me in HIS image and likeness and He believes that I am worthy of a KING. I am fearfully and wonderfully made by a God who thinks the absolute world of me.
Psalm 139:14~ "I praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are Your works; my soul knows that full well."
I truly believe that your self-worth is as valuable as YOU make it. It comes from a belief that you ARE worthy. That you DO matter.
All I know is I've been bought with a price and I'm not going to settle for anything even close to less. God has something, and rather, SOMEONE so much better than "almost" or "second best."
The most beautiful part of it all is what God has said about my future...
Jeremiah 29:11~ "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you, and not to harm you; plans to give you a hope and a future."
I'm more than content with that. I want nothing else more than for God to have His way in my life fully and completely.
He has it planned out so much better than I could ever dream or imagine.