My heart's been overwhelmed this week as I get closer to the new season of life I'm about to enter independently. That's why I've been MIA, yet again.
Things are going to be okay, I know that. But, I've been worrying myself sick about how hard physical therapy's going to be, especially while I'm in the pain I'm in... There's just an uneasiness and the fear of the unknown.
I always try to imagine where I'll be in 6 months. I like to kind of skip over the tough stuff - the journey - and just imagine that one day exactly 6 months from now. It never really lasts long because reality has to hit, but it's a good thing to try and forget for just a minute and look ahead to all of the good things that are to come.
The reason it disappoints me so much is because when I was first diagnosed with this disease, I saw hope. There was an upward staircase and I was on it. I think what I expected was to be "better" by now. Or "get better soon." However, today, I can't even tell you what better even means. All I know is my definition of the word has absolutely nothing to do with what God has planned and chosen for me.
I guess today, though, I just don't understand it. I don't understand why I was chosen to walk this path or tell this story... I don't understand why I can't sleep because of the pain I'm in. I don't. I don't understand it at all.
This is an "I'm trying my hardest" statement. I just need to have something out there that reminds me I'm trying. That I'm doing OK.
And it's also a big, fat THANK YOU to everyone who's supporting me along this bumpy road. I honestly don't know where it's taking me, but I know the journey wouldn't be worth it without you and the love and support you so freely give. I simply don't deserve all I've been blessed with.
I don't understand and I don't think I ever will... Which is why I'm so glad that my understanding is NOT essential to God's plan for me. Not in the slightest.