My heart's been overwhelmed this week as I get closer to the new season of life I'm about to enter independently. That's why I've been MIA, yet again.
Things are going to be okay, I know that. But, I've been worrying myself sick about how hard physical therapy's going to be, especially while I'm in the pain I'm in... There's just an uneasiness and the fear of the unknown.
I always try to imagine where I'll be in 6 months. I like to kind of skip over the tough stuff - the journey - and just imagine that one day exactly 6 months from now. It never really lasts long because reality has to hit, but it's a good thing to try and forget for just a minute and look ahead to all of the good things that are to come.
The reason it disappoints me so much is because when I was first diagnosed with this disease, I saw hope. There was an upward staircase and I was on it. I think what I expected was to be "better" by now. Or "get better soon." However, today, I can't even tell you what better even means. All I know is my definition of the word has absolutely nothing to do with what God has planned and chosen for me.
I guess today, though, I just don't understand it. I don't understand why I was chosen to walk this path or tell this story... I don't understand why I can't sleep because of the pain I'm in. I don't. I don't understand it at all.
This is an "I'm trying my hardest" statement. I just need to have something out there that reminds me I'm trying. That I'm doing OK.
And it's also a big, fat THANK YOU to everyone who's supporting me along this bumpy road. I honestly don't know where it's taking me, but I know the journey wouldn't be worth it without you and the love and support you so freely give. I simply don't deserve all I've been blessed with.
I don't understand and I don't think I ever will... Which is why I'm so glad that my understanding is NOT essential to God's plan for me. Not in the slightest.
“I could not comprehend God's plan, but my understanding was not essential; only my obedience was.” -Alice Gray
7 comments:
Keeping you in my prayers! Wishing you lots of luck!
::huge hugs::
You are so much stronger than you realize.
I won't say cliche things like "God will not give you anymore than you can handle" which is true...
I will just say that i know you can walk through this, crawl if you have to.
You have a beautiful support system not only here but at home.
Look at this upcoming season not with fear and dread but with determination. Each day will make you a stronger more resilient woman. <3
You are always in my prayers and I think of you often. You were chosen for a reason, I know that for sure. You are brave and strong.
So glad we found each other on Twitter! and I am your newest follower. God always has a plan and you ARE healed, and will see it soon. If you ever need a word of faith, feel free to email me. It is great to meet you and I look forward to reading your blog!
I am sorry that you have to go to PT. I went to PT for 14 years so I know a little bit of your pain. I hope it goes well and know I will be praying for you as you start! <3
I am your newest follower :)
Jessica
http://mybeautifulli.blogspot.com
I've only recently started following you and your journey, but you've definitely touched my heart. I can't even begin to imagine what you are going through - but your heartfelt and honest posts shed some light. You are in my thoughts and prayers, and you show your sincere strength in diving into the next six months. Prayers are flowing for you!
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