A typical week would have me SO excited that it's Thursday. Almost Friday, right?!
But, today is different.
For those of you who are new around here, I'm a teenage girl who has been diagnosed with Juvenile Enthesitis Related Arthritis (ERA). If you'd like a more in depth description of the disease you can read about it here.
A little over a week ago, I had a follow up appointment and med check with my rheumatologist. The appointment went pretty well overall; mainly because I've been feeling quite a bit better (minus some severe neck pain), but it ended with some not-so-exciting news...
"We should do an MRI just to be safe."
I'm not an emotional girl and I'm fairly decent about holding it together even when I have every reason in the world to break down. But, I'll admit, I busted out bawling in that hospital room as soon as my doctor spit out those 9 words. Thoughts started flooding my head...
It's not fair.
I don't want to.
When will I be able to say these procedures are a thing of the past?
Why can't I just get better? For good.
I've been dealing with excrutiating, unrelenting neck pain for over 4 years. And thus far, no doctor has been able to find any answers as to why I continue to have it. It's something that over time, I've learned to deal with. However, lately, it's been really concerning as it has actually kept me from doing a lot of the things I love. (To name a few... Running, horseback riding, babysitting, etc.) It's caused me to slow down A LOT and to me... That's. Just. Not. Acceptable.
So yes, part of me wants to do whatever it takes to get to the bottom of this, but the other part of me is just flippin' done with getting poked and prodded. And there's yet another part of me that's just plain scared.
I don't exactly know what the procedure is going to be like. I don't know what results are going to come back. I don't know if I want to know.
It's safe to say despite all the mayhem, though, that my hearts holds on ENTIRELY to two things:
Joshua 1:9~ Be strong and courageous; do not be frightened or dismayed, for the Lord your God is with your wherever you go.
... And ...
Proverbs 31:25~ She is clothed with strength and dignity and she laughs without fear of the future.
My MRI is scheduled for tomorrow afternoon. I wish I could say that I'm really optimistic and not too worried about the whole thing, but then I'd be lying.
I would appreciate any and absolutely ALL prayers for peace, strength, courage, and most importantly... ANSWERS. I adore every friendship I've made throughout this journey and couldn't be more thankful for your kind words.